WLS Requires Committment

This article really only touches the proverbial "tip of the iceberg" but it got me thinking. Read "Surgery requires commitment".

The article reminds me that I had wanted to post about how I'm feeling these days. My first meeting with the WLS clinic staff is this Friday. I'm excited, but I'm also frustrated and self-doubting. I am a strong, independant woman (to a flaw sometimes) and I always beat myself up over the whole "why can I accomplish anything I set my mind to EXCEPT this one thing?" argument. It rolls around in my head like a little barb-wire ball. I've gotten used to the argument, but occasionally it sneaks up and really pokes me a good one.

I own my own business, build houses (a man's job if there ever was one) and enjoy every minute of the challenge. I'm a self taught graphic and website designer and intelligent writer (if I do say so myself). In all I do I give 110% and won't take on a project that I won't give that much effort to. So what's with the weight?

I often say I'm a normal person stuck in a fat body. I don't think of myself as fat (it's not one of my self-descriptors), I don't act fat, I don't let it stop me from living my life. Essentially, I live like a thin person. I move and climb and walk and bend and LIVE. And I try hard not to self-pity... and yet, I am morbidly obese and my knees hurt and my hip hurts and I'm tired. And I can hear a little voice in my head that sure sounds like whining... "Why can't I just be normal? Why does food seem like the enemy? Why can't I just eat like everyone else and have the same result as everyone else?".

I don't know what the answer is. But I do know I'm a little frightened at the thought of surgery (probably a healthy response) and that I'd rather lose the weight on my own without surgery. However I've also come to believe that I can't do it alone. And there's that little poke again - Why CAN'T you do it ALONE? Why are you so WEAK? You should be able to do this just like everthing else.

I really, deep, deep down inside want the healthy, energetic person I feel like to be visible on the outside. Instead I look like a lazy, overeating, non-exercising slob (which I'm not). Arggghhh!